Why Would You Take This Route?
This Friday Rogers Wanambwa helps us Unpack dating in our twenties, he shares valuable lessons from his personal experience and lets it play a blueprint role in our lives.
Take notes, I bet a few of us got this down.
I always somehow get roped into this topic by different individuals especially those asking about “my girlfriend” and why I never seem to have one. “Well, I actually don’t,” is normally my answer which instead of being a sufficient answer, bursts forth into a fully-fledged debate about whether “this generation can manage to stay single through their twenties or not.”
Again, considering the fact that on my timeline, I see the topics of sex, love, relationships and breakups more times than I care to count every day, I decided to extensively write about my view in this write-up.
Buckle up and let’s get started.
First of all, I will be honest and say right off that I’m not a virgin. If you aren’t, you know how it’s even harder to do what I’m going to talk about after knowing what the other side looks like. All pan intended.
So here’s the thing, I have many friends (both male and female) that are virgins, some even older than my 25 years of age, and they’re living great lives. This is to dispel the notion that no one can stay a virgin throughout their lives until they’re married.
Alright, since I’ve those two facts out there, let’s continue on our journey of why one would choose or be forced into living a single life through their twenties.
For starters, if you believe in pure love and are a romantic like myself, you’ll know that love is more complex than what many people parade on social media which is simply lust and that great partners take their time to arrive into your life.
Even in the Bible, you’ll notice men marrying in their 40’s, testament to this fact.
But really, with all these beautiful women and handsome men, why would someone choose to stay single? Especially given the willingness of many to get into a relationship with you?
By the way, everyone has a potential suitor, at all times. It just depends on your choice(s).
It is because you know (hear I mean myself) that love is greater than a fling or summer romance and that it has to be purposeful, for example, leading to marriage or else it is naught to get into a relationship.
This means that if you feel you aren’t ready, then you are wasting someone’s time. To me, it’s better to be straight forward and say you want sec from the said person than to lie about loving them and wanting a relationship from them, which you don’t.
“But can I get some if I’m this straight forward?” You may ask. My answer from experience, again since I’m being honest, is yes. There are quite many people who know there are urges which simply won’t go away just because you will or pray them away.
It is the reason Paul says, “Who is weak, and I do not feel weak? Who is led into sin, and I do not inwardly burn?” in 2 Corinthians 11: 29. I believe honesty is key, at all times and y’all should be so that no one wastes the other’s time.
“Now for the unmarried and the widows I say; It is good for then to say unmarried, as I do,” Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7:8. Out of context, this may be translated into, “ never get married,” but what it meant was that marriage is hard.
Now that is true but you think being in a relationship won’t be? It is even made harder because, in your twenties, you’re discovering yourself. You’re preparing for your future and most definitely, many aren’t prepared for marriage.
That’s financially, spiritually, socially or otherwise. I think we as a generation lack direction or fail to want to seek direction in these matters and hence the heartbreaks, and hate for the other gender for erring because of lack of knowledge.
The more I edge closer to my 30’s, the more I see that my decision was best. I don’t have any heartbreak, I have never broken anyone’s heart and even those few “understandings” I was involved in were amicable, to say the least.
(I didn’t intend to write this to show I’m holy if you are disappointed by some of my frankness).
I keep telling my friends that ask what the other person expects from you, where they want it to go and tell them your viewpoint. If things change, talk again.
I had a girlfriend once; we broke up because of a misunderstood thing that she failed to explain and another that we saw it wasn’t going anywhere because I was simply invested in my future and we broke it off after a month.
Both are still acquaintances and have moved on.
My decision to stay single came from experiences when I realized I simply was not invested in having a relationship. There’s just so much that I need to get to and I feel I cannot afford to be in a relationship and giving my very best.
To spare myself the pain, heartbreak and the other person the same, I decided to stay single in my early twenties and have ever since.
I’ll end this by saying that this is my take and everyone is entitled to their life. However, with all these broken people around because of failed relationships, I believe people should sit and think about what they really want in life, when that is, and make sure that hormones don’t lead then astray for just a simple romp.
There’s more to life and timing is always key.