I wish she knew

Today’s prompt made me dig into my unposted work, going through it I found this. I composed this about 6 years ago and I found it kinda ironic that I find this girl cute and innocent and wish someone had told her that what she called adulthood and most likely tied with maturity was actual the beginning of a series of doubts and uncertainties.

“Most teenagers relate adulthood with age. But becoming an adult is not a matter of age but a matter of responsibility and choices. This transition is not easy to decrypt and sometimes it is hard to accept this change. This is why I want you to introduce you to how I became an adult at 16.

In my society, large families are looked at as a sign of wealth and power but mine is an exceptional one. We are a small rare thing in my culture especially they have only one child and she happens to be a girl. This never affected me instead since very young I was encouraged to be independent. As a progeny of a special family, I always tried my best to affirm myself in my society. At four years my mother left the country for studies and my father worked in another neighbouring country, by then I lived with my uncles and grandmother, which most children my age do not think they could manage. I remember that my teachers used to ask me if I had a mother but all I could answer is “My mum went abroad for her studies, me too I have to pursue my own education”. Though deep down in my heart I knew how much I wanted to be like any other of my classmates. From this experience, I learned to be independent and know that I had to be responsible for my actions.

In my country, the secondary level has two levels.  At the end of my lower level, I decided to change my life and become even more independent by living the family home and decided to join a boarding school. In my thoughts this was an absurd decision but reaching the school, I was warmly welcomed and every other of the ninety girls of my class seemed happy. My first experience far from home and everything being new to me I started learning more about myself so as to be able to fit into this community.

It took sometime but I finally found my best fit. But I also realized that I was more responsible for what I was doing. I knew that the next three years would determine who I had to become for the rest of my life. When classes started, I met many new people from different backgrounds. All the girls at my school challenged me both academically and socially, by this I learnt about time management of how to combine my classwork and extracurricular activities. Fortunately, I got the opportunity to become a librarian and it was a great experience for me, I developed better relationships with people and leadership skills. My school become like a pivot point in my life. I gained more confidence that towards the end of my first year in the school I participated in a speech contest while just eight months earlier I could not stand in front of my class and answer a question that I knew the answer perfectly without shivering or blushing.

My entire life, I was self-reliant. I always knew that even my begetters will not help me to become who I want to be. Assuring my parentage’s pride has always been my mission to me as the pillar of the family just as my second name means.”

Reading this, I was impressed by her confidence and joy of living this girl had. I wish I was able to protect her from failure, heartbreaks, physical abuse and racism all these now wrapped in anxiety and depression. I wish I can meet her again, she can remind me that independence was the goal. That happiness was the lifestyle and success was just a far destination that we do not to always need to stress about.