Friday! Am I the only one that loves Fridays? I once was told that this is a sign of optimism because Fridays are tied with the feeling of anticipation hence a believer that tomorrow is brighter day.
I do really deeply love fridays and on top of that fridays saved my life. You might be wondering how?
This fateful Friday morning about two and a half years ago, I woke up like any other day. But this Friday felt different, the excitement was not there, no anticipation, I just wanted to be left alone. And this change felt normal we all need some recalibrating every now and then in life. But what was recalibrating weekend turned into a recalibrating week which turned into a recalibrating month.
At first I did not realize the change. Well I live a monotonous life in general. So all this came to my attention 6 Fridays later. I had been going down a rabbit hole of my own brain without me realizing it. I had more sleepless nights, no proper meals , the only effort I put in was me trying to get my homeworks in on time. I then knew something was off, living a monotonous life was one thing but not being happy and excited about living it was something else. Also with all my poor health choices I had started to develop really bad migraines, low blood pressure and all sorts of other conditions. At first I decided to address the migraine because well it interfered with my daily routine, but then my doctor suggested I should seek therapy. That felt weird to me, first because I thought I was good at self medicating when it came to my mental health and two I just did not think I need therapy.
But regardless of my thoughts, I took his advice and to my greatest surprise I was diagnosed with symptoms of anxiety and depression.
This was the beginning of my mental health journey. I now was journaling my feelings, my actions pretty much my life, again low key like a self cleaning oven I wanted to get to the bottom of it all faster than my therapist. Which later was also something I had to unpack. What always led me to think that my feelings and emotions do not deserve that much attention. I had mastered the art of using my extroversion as a shield to keep everyone out of my real feelings.
I was then introduced to a number of exercises to use my built-in personality to heal myself. But again mental health is a journey and an important one to not avoid in life. One that I am walking on every day to better myself but also I want to be a living testimony that it is okay to not feel okay and that there is no shame in seeking help.